Thursday 1 October 2009

(No) tears for fears

I'm having a really tough week at work. Office politics. Difficult clients. Etc. Etc. That, combined with the fact that my Dad's got another chemo session tomorrow and a couple of other little things, was enough to make me have a little cry last night. The strange thing was that, in the midst of my tears, I suddenly realised that I couldn't remember the last time I cried. For me, a former turning on the waterworks enthusiast, that was a bit of a shock.

When did the tears stop?

When did I stop crying every night on the drive home from work?

When did songs laden with with platitudes of never ending love and devotion stop reducing me to a heap of watery devastation?

When did I become happy?

I can't pinpoint the moment when things changed. I can't point to a certain event or happening that caused the shift. I don't know when my natural expression changed from being a sad, anxious frown to a wry, quietly content smile. But it did. Now, instead of spending my days worrying about infidelity and lies and someone else's problems, my head is filled with plans and hopes and dreams for me. I've never felt more positive and more sure of myself and my own abilities than I do right now, right this moment.

I can achieve anything I want. And I will.