A toast...

 

... to 2010.

Here's to finding the beauty in the most mundane situations; to positivity and creativity; to laughter, love, friendships and family; to forgiveness and second, third and fourth chances to finally get it right; to health, wealth and happiness.

But above all?

To more magic, more sparkle, more wishes coming true and a more wonderful year for all of us.

Happy New Year everyone, I hope 2010 brings you all of the above and so much more xxx

The Best of 2009: Day 31

Day 31: Resolution you wish you'd stuck with?

I don't really remember my New Year's resolutions but I'm guessing that one of them was to lose weight. Which is something I haven't really achieved this year, for one reason or another. I have a difficult relationship with food, to say the least, and it's something I intend to work on more fully in 2010. I haven't ever really blogged about it in any great detail, and there's only person in the world who knows the full extent of the problem (and it took me a long time to tell him, despite our closeness). Maybe one day I'll write a post about it, maybe one day I won't feel ashamed to discuss it. But for now, I am too embarrassed so all I will say is this... next year I hope to have a healthier relationship with food.


So that's that, my final 'The Best of 2009' post. I've written on all but two prompts (fyi, best blog and best advert - i don't watch adverts) and it's actually been very interesting to look back over my year and find the best bits. A few prompts have brought tears to my eyes, as a lot of feelings and memories are still quite raw and fresh. Some prompts have made me laugh and revisit some superbly happy times. Some prompts have actually been really difficult to write about. But I've done it, and I'm glad I have. All my posts for this little project can be found here, if you have time on your hands and are so inclined.

2009 hasn't been the easiest of years, for a lot of people. I was going to do a 'review of the year' post but, to be honest, I think I'd rather not. This blog has documented most things in minute detail (sorry about that) and I'm not sure I need to, or want to, revisit certain things just yet. I'd like to remember this year as the year I found out a lot about myself and made huge changes to better what I found, the year that brought me a lot of pain but also a lot of joy and the year that shook me to my very core and forced me to take a long hard look at myself, in every way imaginable. I've emerged relatively unscathed and a lot richer emotionally, as a result of everything that's happened.


2009, I can't say I'm sorry to see you go, but thankyou for everything you've taught me.

OKstupid

Sod off Cupid

Do you ever feel like the internet is laughing at you?

I received an email from a dating site today. A dating site that I hadn't logged into for a fair while. 'Your New Matches!' it boldly and excitedly proclaimed. But, what's that? Who's number one on the list?

Oh yes, of course it's him. And with a higher percentage match than first time around. Yep, I could have told you that. I could have told you that 85% of him is me. And 85% of me is him.

I never minded the other 15%, truth be told. That was the 15% that required compromise and understanding and belief. That was the 15% we worked so hard to overcome. The 15% that meant being there when he needed me, listening to him when noone else would or could, learning new things from him about science that I had no clue about and taking him to art galleries and gigs of my favourite bands. The 15% that meant we argued, but that showed me there was enough passion there to even bother arguing, to even bother trying.


I loved that 15%.

"Hello my friend I see you're back again...."

The best photograph I've taken this year, I think

The Best of 2009: Days 20-29 (Yeah, I suck)


Day 20: Best new person?  This sounds ridiculous but I'm going to say myself. Compared to the person I was a year ago I'm completely different. For the first time in my life I believe in myself, I know what I want and where I'm going. I have my off days (who doesn't?) but, for the most part, this is the most drama free, happy and stable that my life's ever been.

Day 21: Best new project? I'm actually really enjoying doing my 365 project on Flickr. It's surprisingly difficult to try and take a different photo of yourself every day and I'm loving the challenge. I'm also doing The Big 50, my own list of 50 things that I'd like to achieve or experience before I turn 29. I haven't ticked too many off just yet but many things are planned for very soon.

Day 22: Best startup? Like Smidge I'm going to say Cocosa. I've bought some beautiful things from there this year, at ridiculously cheap prices (including my new snow boots which make me feel like one of the Wild Things). Plus, when I had a slight problem a while ago they emailed me and sorted it out in a very satisfactory manner. Hurrah.

Day 23: Best web tool? Twitter! I love it and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I've met some incredibly lovely people via the manner of tweet and it makes days in the office fly by!

Day 24: Best learning experience? Ooh there have been many learning experiences this year, it's been a year of finding out a lot about myself and others. But I think the best one has to be my Dad and prostate cancer. It taught me that you can never take anything for granted. You don't know what's around the corner so make the most of every single moment you have. Grab every opportunity you can. Learn to forgive as life's too short to bear grudges. Laugh as often as you can. Give more than you expect to receive. Most of all, love the ones in your life and make sure they know it.

Day 25: Best gift you gave yourself? The best gift I gave myself wasn't material, although I have bought many pretty things this year. No, the best gift I gave myself was that I stopped beating myself up over things. I've always been a bit of a one for putting myself down and allowing myself to take the blame for things that weren't my fault. No more. If I make a mistake, I learn from it and I don't dwell on it. I don't overthink things any more, I don't analyse everything that happens and I don't think of worst case scenarios any more. I was always a pessimist in the past because I thought that if I didn't expect anything then I wouldn't get disappointed. But now I'm of the opinion that you make your own luck, and if you're optimistic and open to best case scenarios then you're more likely to get them.

Day 26: Best insight or epiphany moment? I've had a fair few this year but the main one can be read about here.

Day 27: Best social web moment? Meeting two of my most favourite blogging ladies, Smidge and Lis. I've known Lis for almost ten years so it was a fairly surreal moment walking into a pub in Edinburgh and seeing her sitting there. Smidge put up with me for two weekends this year and muchos alcohol was drunk. Lovely ladies.

Day 28: Best stationery? The Simple Diary. But I've always been a bit of a stationery geek so stick a nice pen (rollerball please, yum) and a nice pad of paper in my hand and I'll be a happy little soldier.

Day 29: Best laugh? I try and laugh at least once a day, and I usually laugh a hell of a lot more than that. I am a huge fan of laughing. I really can't pick one best laugh and, to be honest, most of the things that I laugh about with my friends wouldn't mean anything to anyone else. We are the kings and queens of ridiculous injokes.

That was the year that was...

1) Was 2009 a good year for you?
Yes and no. I had some of the happiest times of my life but also some of the saddest. (That's the answer I gave last year but it still rings true)

2) What were your favourite moments of the year?
Valentines Day night out at Chibuku in Liverpool, virtually every moment of the holiday to New York (particularly the afternoon spent in a sports bar, drinking $3 beers and laughing our heads off), meeting Michael Eavis at Glastonbury. The best though? The moment on 31st May when the truth finally came out and the day and night were spent talking, making plans and finally admitting how we felt. I've literally never felt happier than I did the moment those three little words were uttered.

3) What was your least favourite moment of the year?
The moment we found out my Dad's cancer had spread, after the doctor had assured us that it hadn't.

4) Where were you when 2009 began?
I was in Thomsons in the gay village in Manchester. I vaguely remember doing the conga to a dance version of Auld Lang Syne. Good times.

5) Who were you with?
Friends, lots of them.

6) Where will you be when 2009 ends?
No plans. Probably something fairly low key with a couple of friends, or I might just go to bed at 10pm. I kind of just want this year to be over as soon as possible.

7) Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
Myself or a couple of friends.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2009?
They were "To lose weight, go to the gym, get happy, work hard, sleep more, laugh more, love more, dance more, be thankful more, like myself more..."  I'd say I've achieved just over half of those. C-, could do better.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2010?
Just to continue on my road of self discovery (I'm aware that makes me sound like a tosser) and lose weight. Slimming World here I come.

10) Did you fall in love in 2009?
I remained in love. Fell more in love, despite everything.

11) If yes, with who?
I think we all know the answer to that.

12) If yes, do they know?
I would imagine so, yes.

13) Are you still in love with them?
Always.

14) You regret it?
Never. I regret letting myself be walked all over. But I was so much weaker then than I am now. I never regret love. It's too rare and special for that.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2009?
Nope. I came closer than I ever have before, but I always believe that things will work out. I never walk away, not when I believe the other person's worth it, whether they think they are or not.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2009?
I became a lot closer to certain people and met a lot of lovely people through work. Plus a couple of other randoms that appeared in my life.

17) Who are your favourite new friends?
Work people. It's nice to actually care about the people you work with.

18) What was your favourite month of 2009?
April. New York, Go Ape, birthday celebrations of a certain someone.

19) Did you travel outside of your country of residence in 2009?
New York! Ooh, and Amsterdam on the way to New York.

20) How many different states/provinces did you travel to in 2009?
I'm not an American. Next year I hope to visit lots though. Helen's Grand American Tour 2010?

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009?
Lose as in die? No. Lose as in lose? Yes. I hope to find them soon. And put them in my pocket for keeps. (Again, my answer from last year)

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
I miss the other half of me.

23) What was your favourite movie that you saw in 2009?
Avatar. Or Up. Or Slumdog Millionnaire. I loved every film I saw this year.

24) What was your favourite song from 2009?
According to Last.fm, Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Saint Etienne and We Interrupt This Programme by Coburn. How very fitting. Love, interrupted.

25) What was your favourite record from 2009?
I haven't really listened to a lot of new music this year. Probably 'The Back Room' by Editors. Although it makes me quite sad sometimes. Too many memories.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2009?
Not nearly enough. Basement Jaxx, Ladytron (in NYC, holla!), Girls Aloud, Pet Shop Boys, Tina Turner, Little Boots, Glastonbury Festival.

27) Did you have a favourite concert in 2009?
Tina Turner. Hands down the best concert I've ever seen and the woman is a living legend. She was on stage for two and a half hours, dancing like a demon. Truly incredible. I took my Mum for her 65th birthday and she had the time of her life.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
Not as much as last year. Certainly not as much wine consumed in bed. It's no fun on your own.

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?
Define drugs... I drank a lot of tea?

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2009?
I shared a bed with numerous friends. I rarely sleep.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I'm actually less ashamed of myself this year than ever before. I think, for the most part, I've behaved fairly well. There were a couple of alcohol related incidents that weren't exactly wonderful but I think it's best not to dwell on things that happen under the influence. People argue, that's just the way it is. It doesn't mean that everything is awful or wrong. It's the making up that counts.

32) Where did most of your money go?
Savings (for the first time ever), the taxman (I hate you), nice wine, make up and shoes. Always shoes.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?
I have no idea. I'm not aware of any lies. So either I haven't been told any or they were all very good liars. I haven't told any lies this year, as far as I can remember. Maybe the odd white lie, but nothing more than that.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2009?
I don't think so. I hope not anyway.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2009?
Yes. Nothing so bad that it can't be undone though.

36) How much money did you spend in 2009?
A lot less than last year. For the first time in nine years I'm out of my overdraft and I've paid off my credit card debts. Living within your means is the new living beyond your means.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2009?
Appearing on the Fourth Plinth.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009?
I don't actually get embarrassed very easily. That's what comes from going out with a man with no shame for 18 months. Haha.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
I'd change my Dad's results. I'd make him cancer free and healthy. Everything else will work itself out.

 

     “Things usually work out in the end.”

     “What if they don’t?”
     “That just means you haven’t come to the end yet.”

40) What are your plans for 2010?
To travel a bit, work a bit, live a bit, love a bit, laugh a bit and buy my own house.