Friday, 22 January 2010
How is it Friday already?
This has been possibly one of the busiest weeks of my life. I don't feel like I've had a second to sit down, to take a deep breath, to... rest. Shifts at the charity, painting pantomime scenery, dinners with friends, nights out, etc etc etc. I've been out every night and I'm out every night for the next 6 days. Then I'm away for the weekend. Then I suppose I'll develop a horrific cold, as is my want when I've been super busy.
How did I ever had time to be at C's beck and call? How did I have the time to sit in and wait for him to text or ring? How did I have the time to obsess and analyse and worry myself sick over things that didn't need to be worried about?
How did I have the time to destroy something that could have been fantastic?
How? Because I made myself completely available, that's how. I stopped caring about anything else. I gave up my interests, stopped myself developing new interests, stopped myself from meeting new people and making new friends. I became a person I didn't recognise, so different from the independent girl I'd been before. I became someone I hated.
These days I rarely worry, I simply don't have the time. Less worrying means that I'm happier. Being happier means that I get more done and therefore have more time to do whatever my little heart desires. Productivity breeds productivity it would seem.
Now I barely even recognise the girl I was a year ago. She's gone for good, no matter who or what may come to pass.