Friday, 22 January 2010


How is it Friday already?


This has been possibly one of the busiest weeks of my life. I don't feel like I've had a second to sit down, to take a deep breath, to... rest. Shifts at the charity, painting pantomime scenery, dinners with friends, nights out, etc etc etc.  I've been out every night and I'm out every night for the next 6 days. Then I'm away for the weekend. Then I suppose I'll develop a horrific cold, as is my want when I've been super busy.

How did I ever had time to be at C's beck and call? How did I have the time to sit in and wait for him to text or ring? How did I have the time to obsess and analyse and worry myself sick over things that didn't need to be worried about?

How did I have the time to destroy something that could have been fantastic?

How? Because I made myself completely available, that's how. I stopped caring about anything else. I gave up my interests, stopped myself developing new interests, stopped myself from meeting new people and making new friends. I became a person I didn't recognise, so different from the independent girl I'd been before. I became someone I hated.

These days I rarely worry, I simply don't have the time. Less worrying means that I'm happier. Being happier means that I get more done and therefore have more time to do whatever my little heart desires. Productivity breeds productivity it would seem.

Now I barely even recognise the girl I was a year ago. She's gone for good, no matter who or what may come to pass.

Love it.


A "cheery" disposition said...

sounds like me a year and a half ago.

LizSara said...

Dude that is a brilliant outlook, so proud of you x

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

sounds like me last october...

seriously, love, despite all the good things that we can choose to remember about our exes, when they made us do the things that you've written here - this is the stuff you need to remember.

So many of your posts still linger on how much you miss your ex, and that isn't a bad thing as no doubt you had some great times with him. but you need to remind yourself about the fact that, like my ex, he turned you into a paranoid, worrying, drop everything, gift buying, excuse making kinda girl that you're not. I'm happier knowing my ex will do that to someone else, but I'll never let anyone do that to me again. Thats worth a thousand break ups.

smidge said...

Sooo glad to hear this honey xx

Jenn said...

*double thumbs up!* <3

Helen said...

Cheery - I can't believe I was ever like that. I'm totally different now :?

LizSara - Thankyou! I'm kind of proud of myself :) x

Jo - I constantly remind myself of how I was when I was with him. And I'll never let anyone do that to me again. I do miss him. But I don't miss the person I was with him. x

K - Me too :) x

Jenn - <3