Sunday, 13 June 2010


Dear C,

One thing I was not expecting yesterday:

Seeing you at Parklife. In a crowd of 15,000 people. A year to the day after we broke up. Wearing the first t-shirt I ever bought you.

To say I was freaked out is an understatement. I wish you could have spoken to me, instead of reacting as though you'd been shot. Then again, I felt like I'd been shot. I wish you nothing but good things, always.

Things happen for a reason. I'm just not entirely sure what the reason is yet.

Look after yourself,

H xxx


TheBCH said...

<3 it does always feel exactly like that. Hope you don't dwell on it Hun. I only know of you and i think you're ace so...tomorrows a new day :)

LizSara said...

Sometimes you just know those occasions are going to be THOSE occasions. Sounds like you dealt with it better than he did and you're fabbity so well done!

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Oooh, that made my heart hurt a little bit. Hope you are dealing with this as well as this post makes it seem. Hugs!!

em said...

I hope you are doing ok after this little run-in.
I bet his 'just been shot' reaction was at the change in you. You sound like your confidence has rocketed recently.
It will get easier to see him though. believe me. xo

soupemes said...

Wow. A year to the day and in that top? Do you suppose he realised when he put it on?

And as has already been said, you handled it much better than he did. It's always such a shame that people can't be a bit more grown up, be a bit better behaved at times like that, but I suppose you can think of it as a good reason to not be with him anymore if nothing else.

The first time I saw my first proper ex, we crossed paths in the Whitgift Shopping Centre. He had his new girlfriend on his arm, I had my new bloke by my side. We caught each other's eye, looked away and said nothing. My bloke didn't even realise and I never told him.

I thought it was sad, but I didn't make any motion toward him either because I felt sick in my stomach so I suppose I can't really grumble about it too much. I look at it like this: at least neither of us ended up screaming at the other, what a scene that would have been! :)

What stopped you talking to him?

Helen said...

BCH - Am trying not to dwell but didn't get much sleep last night so that's not helping :( x

Liz - I had a feeling I would see him. Just didn't realise how it would make me feel. At least I tried to be nice :/ x

ANFM - My heart hurts too. I'm ok. Or at least, I will be x

Em - I'm struggling this morning. Couldn't sleep last night and have lost my appetite. Ah well, I'll survive! x

Soupy - I did talk to him. I went over with a cheery 'hello!'. He said 'alright' and walked away. Broke my little heart all over again x

TheBCH said...

aw hun, well even if you do dwell a little bit, it is normal and you are human, just feel safe in the knowledge that you do and did have feelings and there as real as they were meant to be. Not fudged or falsified.

The only thing that gets me through my situation is that even though it ended shitty and communication even though it's been years is still shitty, that it's not shitty because of me.

I loved and it felt great, I lost and it nearly killed me but I can hold my head up high and say that I'm real because of it.

It will hurt a bit, in years to come maybe still niggle, but nothing but good can come from it now. I have a feeling you wouldn't be you otherwise :)

Chamuca said...

Ug, I felt like I just got kicked in the stomach, after reading this post. That's fucked up he was a dick to you.

TheBCH is right though. At least you know you didn't do anything wrong, and the hurt and awkwardness is all his fault. You may have to live with it, but he's the one who has to look at himself in the mirror everyday.

dellie said...

flippin smelly boys! ugh! that sucks but at least you were the better person. god knows what he was thinking and why he hadn't the decency to stay and have a conversation with you but one thing is for sure, he doesn't deserve your gorgeousness. And as hard as it is to deal with, you're SO much better than that. Chin up my deary x