Tuesday 25 August 2009

I wish I was a little bit taller

"If you had but one wish, that you had to use on yourself what would it be and why?"

Back here I asked for any questions that people may have about me, etc. A few trickled through (I must be a massive oversharer!) and first up is the one above from LizSara. By the way, if anyone else would like to delve into my psyche and ask me something, just leave a comment on that other post.

If I had one wish that I had to use entirely on myself, it would be this....

To be able to strip away all the bad memories, bad experiences and hurt that I've experienced in years gone by, thus enabling me to still see love and relationships with the same eyes I had when I was 18 and baggage free.

The older you get, and the more relationships you experience, the more baggage you carry with you into the next relationship (and the one after that, and the one after that...). If you've been treated particularly badly trust issues can develop and, unfortunately, get carried into the new relationship, even though your current partner has done nothing to warrant your mistrust. Similarly, if you felt caged or smothered by someone then a fear of being controlled can develop, and again be carried across into the new relationship, even though the new girl or boy has no desire to smother. Miscommunication and a reluctance to disclose your fears and issues early on in a relationship can then lead to yet another broken relationship. More baggage. And so and so on. Repeat ad infinitum.

So, sometimes I think it'd be nice to be able to visit Lacuna and wipe the slate clean, so to speak. To enter each new relationship with the fresh faced, wide eyed innocence that only those who've never had their heart broken possess.

But then again, love and relationships are nothing if not a learning curve. If you don't remember what went wrong, and don't think of ways to put it right for the future, you're doomed to repeat the same mistakes again.

So, scratch that, my wish is for a penthouse apartment in New York.