Tuesday 18 August 2009

Culinary nemeses

Get your filthy stalks away from my face

5 foods I can't bear that everyone else seems to love:

1) Coriander. What is it for? Why does it exist? It tastes like soap. It has stalks that make a horrible squeaking noise when I bite into an otherwise lovely salad. I have to pretend I'm allergic to it to avoid it being put on food that I order in restaurants (yes, like Carrie and her parsley hatred in Sex and the City). See also: red chard and rocket. I do not like stalks.

2) Mushrooms. My mushroom hatred is well documented. I do not eat grey food. And don't even get me started on the ones that aren't grey. Horrific.

3) Avocados. Just no. They taste of nothing! And have a texture akin to that of something truly horrific. I can't even think of anything horrific enough to illustrate the fact. I do, however, really like guacamole. I am a fickle eater.

4) Raisins. I've lost hours, nay days of my life picking raisins out of the box of fruit and fibre. But, because I am a mental, I do like chocolate covered raisins and scones with raisins in. Eccles cakes are horrendous though. Actually my worst nightmare encased in pastry. Grapes should be grapes.

5) Goji berries. Super food or not, they are far too closely related to the raisin for my liking. Plus the colour is just too bizarre to be acceptable. I don't care if they contain 6 essential vitamins and 18 amino acids. I do not want to eat something with the texture of felt.

Conversely, foods I love that most people seem to hate: mussels, celery, whitebait, squid, beef jerky. Apparently I like chewy things and things that taste like the sea.