Friday 8 May 2009

Tis the season...

Ain't it the truth

Festival season is almost upon us...

Well, kind of. Glastonbury is only 7 weeks away at any rate and that little nugget of realisation was enough to send me into full on panic/excitement/spiralling out of control mode earlier. I spiralled so far out of control that I spent £45 on some wellies. I feel it was a necessary purchase though as my trusty leopard print numbers died a sad and tragic death at V last year. They sprung holes, let in water and mud and eventually I just had to say goodbye. I abandoned them in the car park along with my pride, dignity and 7 hours of my life (nothing worse than queuing to get OUT of a car park). So I'm now the proud owner of some green Hunter adjustable wellington boots (adjustable to fit round my gargantuan calves). Who on earth do I think I am? Kate 'where's your daughter' Moss? Please.


In celebration of the close proximity of festival joy I bring you....

My Top Ten Festival Moments (in no particular order):

1) My friend Emma falling in the nettles in the permaculture garden at Glastonbury in 2007. We'd spent the afternoon in the Jazzworld Field getting progressively drunker, louder and more obnoxious on Brothers festival strength cider. We then attempted to traverse the Green Fields and said nettle disaster occurred. On texting her boyfriend Emma received the following response "But it's not even time for Emmerdale yet". Daytime drinking for you there.

2) Dame Shirley Bassey performing on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury, again in 2007. She wore wellies with 'DSB' encrusted in rhinestones, sang 'Big Spender' twice ("you've paid your money, you can have it again") and exited the festival in a helicopter. Legend.

3) Me having an emotional drunken breakdown and heckling Amy Winehouse at V last year. C had to take me back to the tent and, as I was so utterly drunk, the only way I could get there was to make up a song and time my footsteps to the beat. It went thusly "Moo moo moo, I'm a moo, everyone's a moo, we're all moos. Moo moo moo." No, I don't know either. It was 6pm. FAIL.

4) Seeing Altern8 DJ at Bloom last year. Sunday afternoon + early 90s rave anthems = complete and utter joy.

5) Seeing Bill Bailey close Glastonbury in 2007. There was 2 feet of mud, the rain was coming in sideways, I didn't have so much as a poncho to keep me dry. He was incredible.

6) An utterly bizarre moment at Glastonbury in 2004 when James Hewitt served me cider from the Brothers bar. Yes, he's the man who had an affair with Princess Diana. No, I don't know why he was there. But it was definitely him.

7) Fancy dress day at Bloom last year. Highlights (no pun intended) were the two men dressed as highlighter pens, the hoards of old people and the two men with eyeballs for heads, wearing top hats.

8) Muse at Glastonbury in 2004 and last year at V. Two of the most incredible performances I've ever seen. I don't often listen to their music in the comfort of my own home but for sheer theatrics and take-your-breath-away-ness, you really can't beat them live.

9) C trying to smuggle a bag of wine into the V festival arena by putting it down his trousers. We got it inside and hilarity then ensued when he poked the spout out of his fly and poured the wine into cups. We got a lot of comedy mileage out of that one, let me tell you.

10) Getting so incredibly sunburnt at Glastonbury 2003 (my first one!) that I woke up the next day with a face like the elephant man. The evening before, following too much alcohol, I felt rather unwell. I crawled back to the tent and was promptly sick. Convinced I was going to die, I was practically writing my own will. I thought I'd been poisoned. It was sunstroke. I spent most of the next day in the tent with moisturising baby wipes on my face shouting 'I am not an animal'. Dark times my friend, dark times.

There are many many more moments that I cherish from my festival going experiences. However, many are of a more 'adult' nature and so not really suitable for airing on a blog. Rest assured though, there's never been a dull festival moment for me.