Thursday 14 May 2009

The eternal battle

Roll up! Roll up!

Ladies and gentlemen. Today I'm going to talk about the differences between men and women. I don't profess to be an expert. I don't even profess to know all that much about it. But I'm going to do it anyway. Because it's my blog (and I'll cry if I want to).

Men and women are like night and day. Ying and yang. Pork chops and apple sauce. They go together extremely well but they're fundamentally different.

Exhibit A: Problem solving:

Men want to find solutions to problems when their girlfriends/wives/friends/relations/concubines talk about them. The women in question most likely want to do just that. TALK about them. I don't want you to solve my problems for me, I'm more than capable of doing that on my own. I just want you to make sympathetic noises and then make a smutty remark to make me laugh.

Exhibit B: Arguments:

Men + women = arguments. It's inevitable. Whether it's a little tiff, a bout of ignoring or a full blown windowpane rattling slanging match, arguments happen. Men want to ignore what's happened and talk about it at a later date, when both parties have calmed down. Women want to sort it out there and then. It's a woman's instinct to fix whatever is wrong immediately. To this end, I also think a lot of men hold grudges far more than women do. It's an argument, get over it. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean that it's all just a big waste of time and that you're obviously wholly incompatible. It just means you're human. Everyone argues. FACT. It's how you move on and learn from the arguments that matters, not the fact you had one in the first place.

Exhibit C: When men have problems:

If a man has a problem very often he retreats into his 'cave'. He wants to be on his own and to think about it in his own time and his own way. He wants space. The woman, however, sees that he's down and wants to help. She wants to comfort him and make sympathetic noises. Note: She never wants to solve his problems for him (see above). Women are nurturing, caring creatures. Don't push them away when they're trying to help.

Exhibit D: The concept of space:

Both people in any sort of relationship have the right to want space from the other person. That's a given. However, the way they go about getting said space is often very different, depending on their gender. Women will often be upfront and say it. 'I just need a bit of space from you. You've done nothing wrong, don't worry. I just fancy a bit of me time.' Men, on the other hand, sometimes push women away. Be it with snide words, ignoring phone calls, hurtful actions. Men say things to make the woman go away. But the women don't realise that things are just being said because the men are stressed or tired or in need of some alone time. So they take those things to heart. And, because of this, they cling, because they think they're the problem. Pushing away = clinging. It's a vicious cycle. Just be honest with me. Isn't that all any of us crave? It's completely normal to get annoyed by someone and to want some time out. But don't expect me to be a mind reader, give me a clue.

And thus concludes my study into the male and female genders. Of course, some or all of this may not apply to some or all of the people, some or all of the time. But it's just a few things that I've come to realise over the past couple of years. And I'm making my peace with it.

The fact is, men and women are both crazy. It's just about finding someone whose craziness you can learn to accept, help them through and maybe even find endearing.