The Persistence of Memory - Salvador Dali6.55am - Alarm goes off. Bewilderment ensues.
7.04am - Snoozed alarm goes off. More bewilderment. Possibly some swearing.
7.13am - Second snooze is over. Damn.
7.14am - Consider calling in sick.
7.15am - Resign self to fact cannot call in sick. Get out of bed. Definitely some swearing.
7.17am - Having sat on edge of bed for 2 mins, put contact lenses in. Poke self in eye approx. 4 times. Swear some more.
7.20am - Brush teeth. Wash. Other bathroom activities (that sounds rude and/or vile. Sorry)
7.30am - Get dressed, put face on, swear a bit more for good measure. Eyes are normally opening slowly by this point. Avec matchsticks.
7.45am - Eat breakfast. Vow to get McDonalds breakfast on way into work as a reward for getting out of bed. Ha.
8.00am - Leave house in a whirlwind of despair, anger and eroticism (not really, just thought I'd throw that in there).
8.15am - Drive past McDonalds, having talked self out of getting sausage and egg mcmuffin. Congratulate self on being a willpower-filled minx.
8.30am - Arrive at work. Faff. Turn computer on. Make green tea (I just typed teat. Arf)
8.45am - Check twitter/blogs/email/work email/facebook obsessively.
9.00am-12.59pm - Simply a repeat of the above. With a bit of work thrown in for good measure. Bills bills bills.
1.00pm - Lunch! Check subway.com to see what sub of the day is. Check weather. Possibly leave office to venture to subway but only if the sub of the day is one of the 'healthy ones'. Ugh. Hate life a bit. Resent fact cannot have a foot long meatball marinara with double cheese. Moan. Suck it up and decide to have a cup-a-soup and some ryvitas instead. Resent thighs and silently admonish them for being so large.
2.00pm - Resume activities of 8.45am thru 12.59pm.
4.43pm - Put files in cupboard, invariably tripping over on the way there. Berate self for irritating clumsiness.
4.44pm - Turn off computer, resent thighs, put coat on.
4.45pm - Leave work. Bemoan the fact it is dark. Bemoan the fact that KFC is not a satisfactory after work snackette. Stop moaning. Possibly go to gym.
6.30pm (if gym has been attended) - Home. Eat salad. Resent thighs and openly admonish them.
7.00pm - The soaps begin. Ah soaps. Lovely mind numbing soaps.
8.00pm - Bath. Check thighs obsessively in mirror following bath. Swear a bit. Spend rest of evening half-heartedly tidying/texting/preening/willing weight to fall off.
10.30pm - Zzzzzz. Slumber. Dream of smaller thighs/KFC/legal costs.
