Friday 30 January 2009

Diet Schmiet

Weight loss this week: 0 lbs
Total weight loss: 6 lbs
Number of gym visits: 2 (Rubbish)
Number of meals out (naughty): 1
Number of bad thoughts about food: Multiple
Units of alcohol: 0
Number of impure thoughts about wine:
Several bazillion

I am fuming!

Not only have I been really really good with regards to the old not stuffing lard down my throat I have also not touched a drop of alcohol since last Friday night. My reward? Nothing. So after losing 6 pounds initially I've now not lost anything in a fortnight and, as a result, I've developed a new found hatred for my scales. Maybe I'm just destined to be a porcine beast forever. Maybe I should give up now and just become an opera singer (although, actually, the opera singers I've seen have been surprisingly svelte).

Joking aside though, I'm actually a bit annoyed. I was expecting to see at least some downward movement in the (humongous) figures this week. Alas it was not to be.

The Regime (tm) remains at Nazi for the next two weeks. As you can see from the picture above, I made a laminated chart to indicate this fact (sad cow). It even has a moveable arrow. Kill me now. This is what not drinking does to you. It forces you to find other ways to fill your time. Ways that, in my case, involve laminating things. I urge you to open the nearest bottle of alcohol and take a large gulp to prevent yourselves from ending up like me. Save yourselves, it's too late for me.

I cannot lie, not drinking lovely lovely booze is actually proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. I think I'm even finding it more difficult than my partner in detox woe and he's normally a booze fiend. I went out for dinner last night with my lovely (yet incredibly smutty) friend Tash. We invariably end up in the same place (Trof), eating the same food (bacon and cheeseburgers with chips), drinking the same (admittedly vile) wine, leering from afar at the same (admittedly beautiful) barman. But not last night. I drank sparkling water and had Halloumi with Caramelised Veg and Tzatziki. She had two large glasses of red wine and a panini and chips.

The vicious swine.