Monday 15 June 2009

A New York Tale: Part 2

I know, I know... it's taken me forever to get around to the second installment of the New York odyssey. If you need a reminder, Part 1 is here.

Our second day in New York began with a lovely breakfast at Crepes on Columbus followed by catching the subway to Midtown. The Empire State Building was our destination and, seemingly, also that of half the people in Manhattan. The queue snaked around the building and, with the weather and visibility not great, we debated whether or not to bother. But bother we did and a mere two hours later we were at the top. Weather conditions we experienced included snow, sun, extreme wind and low lying cloud. Pretty much the full spectrum. But it was fabulous. Save for the rude Spanish family who had NO CONCEPT OF PERSONAL SPACE. Rage.

Best view ever

My favourite photo of the whole trip. Hiya pigeon!

Shake Shack was next on my list of 'places I demand we eat' and so eat we did. Burgers with cheese fries and iced tea. All in the shadow of my favourite New York building, the Flat Iron. To my delight, the dog park where Charlotte's dog got gang banged in Sex and the City was also right nearby. Gang bangs and burgers. Two of my favourite pastimes.

Burger I heart you

Flat Iron

We're havin' a gang bang, we're havin' a ball

Next up was my favourite museum of the whole trip... the Museum of Sex. Smutty old cow that I am. The Sex Lives of Animals was the special exhibit and it was fascinating. Gay lions, hemi-penises (don't ask) and the frightening realisation that men are closer to Bonobo apes than I'd ever realised before. Throw in a bit of hentai and some scenes of graphic penetration projected 4 foot high and you get the picture. Wholesome it was not, hilarious it was.

Panda porn

We followed a graphic display of porn with a hunt for some food porn. A mere 17 mile walk later (at least, that's how it felt) and I'd found my mecca. Magnolia Bakery. A vanilla cupcake and white chocolate brownie later and we were ready for some Happy Hour beers in the West Village. Happy Hour = pretty much the best thing ever. Plus, with the exchange rate the way it was, it was the only time that alcohol was affordable. $3 beers? Yes please, waitress. Rack 'em up. And she did.

The Holy Grail

A tipsy subway ride later and we emerged bleary eyed and blinking onto the streets of Chinatown, the smell of fish hanging thickly in the air. We were on a dim sum mission and we found it in the form of Vanessa's dumpling house. It was cheap as chips and with plates piled high with pork dumplings and sesame pancakes, we ate our fill and then staggered across the road to Fortuna's. At least, I think that's what it was called. By that time we were a few beers down and more than slightly tipsy. I vaguely remember trying to understand the rules of baseball. I think.

I don't know. I liked the colour.

We ended the evening with a trip to Times Square. The lights. Oh the lights. Slightly too commercial for my liking and an unpleasant experience with a man dressed as Elmo soured the experience somewhat. Still, you've got to do these things haven't you?

My eyes, my eyes!

When we arrived in New York we made a deal with ourselves. That we wouldn't get the Subway after 10pm at night. I'd heard horror stories and didn't want to take any chances. So what did we do that night? Got the subway home at midnight. Unwittingly I might add, such was the inebriated state of our foolish English minds. But there was no rape, wounding or battery and we fell into the apartment safe and sound. Phew.

To be continued...