Take a bite...

Start spreading the news....

I'm leaving today tomorrow....

I want to be a part of it....


New York! New York!!!



My plans to lose 3 stone in weight before fleeing this country for America have not come to fruition. Namely because I only decided I wanted to lose three stone about a week ago. And the fact that we've been for approximately 4000 meals out this weekend. Ah well.

Packing is done. Visa waiver is completed. Flight times are checked. Insurance documents are printed. Mild panic has set in.


I think I'm all set....

Operate my crumpet

Operate this, bitch

I have but three nuggets of wisdom to impart today....


First things first, there are NO WORDS to describe how incredible Tina Turner was. The woman is 69. She performed for 2 and a half hours. She danced like a demon. She sang like I've never heard anyone sing before. And I've never seen someone work a stage quite like she did. She was utterly captivating and I couldn't stop smiling. Highlights included Proud Mary and Goldeneye but to be honest there wasn't a duff moment in the entire show (apart from 'Help' but that's only because of my Beatles hatred).

Secondly, I came across the best job title in the world today.... Crumpet Operative. How does one go about becoming one? Want.

Thirdly, I'm going to New York on Monday. Forgive me while I weep a little bit with excitement. And, by weep a little bit, I mean in all senses of the word. Nice.


And now I shall leave you with some of super close up shots of Tina. And when I say 'close up' I clearly mean '5 million miles away'. So far away in fact that she looks like a Minipop of herself. We actually had an amazing view though. Curse my rubbish camera phone. Curse it to hell.

American Express will do nicely thankyou...

I am neither a gay man nor a middle aged woman...


I am, however, off to see Tina Turner in concert tonight. And I am practically giddy with excitement. Private Dancer, River Deep Mountain High, We Don't Need Another Hero, What's Love Got To Do With It. I want them all. I was tempted to buy a massive wig, put an obscenely short dress on and walk around like I've done a massive poo at the concert as a tribute to her. But then realised that noone wants to see me in a short dress. Or doing a poo for that matter. Especially the latter.

Tina I heart you, you mad old bird.

Get off my cloud...

The view from Cloud 23

Does it ever feel like everyone in the world but you is in a bad mood?


That's exactly how I feel at the moment. Parents, friends, work colleagues. I feel like I'm constantly fighting against a tide of negativity, resentment and anger. And, to be honest, it's starting to really wear me down. I freely admit that I used to be a fairly negative person. I was bitter, often angry and not a very nice person to be around. So maybe it'd hypocritical of me now to wish people weren't like that. But I do. Because for the last six months or so I've had a completely changed outlook on life. I can honestly say that I'm truly thankful for every day. No matter how bad a day I have, I always find something good in it. I always find something to make me smile, no matter how small.

I'm trying my best to stay happy and upbeat at the moment but, sometimes, I just feel so frustrated. I feel like I've made so much progress and changed so much in such a short space of time. And I just want to be believed in.

Anyway, enough of that. Everything will be ok. And when I say that these days I believe it with every ounce of my being. I'm all about the positivity these days.


I'm currently finding a lot of joy in things. My favourite things this week are:

• Walkers Fish & Chip crisps. Nom
• The ache in my legs when I've just been to the gym
• Cocktails at Cloud 23 with some of my very best friends
• Days With My Father. Heartbreaking but absolutely lovely
• Planning the New York holiday of dreams
• My new GHD hair straighteners. Why didn't I take the plunge sooner? They are beyond incredible
• Laughing. But, then again, laughing is ALWAYS my favourite thing to do

What are your favourite things?

Happy Up Here

There is, quite literally, nothing in the world better than this picture.

Ah, Saturday!


I adore Saturdays. So far today I've been to the gym and beasted myself to the point where I looked like a red sweating hippo (yum), eaten smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for brunch and had a tremendous bath. I also ate bread fresh from the village bakery. Sometimes I feel like I'm in The Famous Five. "Oh no, we've run out of ginger beer", ejaculated Dick.

This week has been both the longest and slowest week of my life. Bad points include the fact that work is incredibly busy, I've been sleeping terribly and I haven't lost a single pound despite 4 visits to the gym, salads for lunch and general healthy eating. Marvellous points include the fact I smashed my target at work this week and am now on course for a lovely bonus in next month's pay packet, the fact NYC is so close I can almost taste it (how would it taste? Burgers? Pizza? Cynicism?) and the fact that Spring has finally sprung.

I love Spring with every inch of my contemptuous, sarcastic, bitter old heart. It's just so full of hope and promise. Little lambs bounding in the fields. Daffodils (my favourite flower, fact fans) peeping out of unexpected corners. Lighter mornings and evenings. People are just happier in Spring, it's a fact. The sun this week has been magnificent and I've been leaving work with a spring (no pun intended) in my step and a smile on my face. I've even been enjoying the sight of chavs with their tops off, basking in the sun outside the Wetherspoons near my work.


Sun even makes Warrington bearable, that's how powerful it is.