Monday, 14 March 2011

Boys boys boys

I'm fussy.

There, I said it. Fussy beyond belief, particularly when it comes to boys.

A (non exhaustive) list of things that will put me off:

Too tall (I like my men short. Not shorter than me, but short)
Doesn't drive (I judge it, don't know why)
Too scruffy (but also too smart)
Bad kisser (too much tongue in particular. I do not want a wet face, thankyou)
Too keen
Bad shoes
Bad jeans (I'm talking £9 M&S specials)
Not hairy (gorilla legs only, thankyou, and a nice bit of facial scruff)
Too vain (must be able to fester in a festival field for 5 days)
Too quiet (I talk a lot. Must be able to keep up)
No sense of humour (I like to laugh. Must be able to cause said laughter)
Blonde (sorry, just no)
Too prone to extensive partying (been there, done that. I'm OLD now)
Smoker (I do not enjoy the taste of an ashtray)

See? Destined to be alone forever.

I'm too damn fussy for my own good but, as I get older, I seem to be getting fussier. Where will it end? Soon my 'type' will be so niche that only 3 men in the whole world will fit the bill. With (virtually) every date that I go on, I add something else to 'The List'. However, you will notice that I didn't mention too much about actual physical looks up there. Well, guess what, I'm fussy there too. QUELLE SURPRISE. Dark hair, slightly Jewish looking, nice eyes, good nose, nice neck (big Adam's apples freak me right out). Bring me all these things and I will be happy. See, NICHE!!

What are your dealbreakers?


Love Cat said...

Your list is worryingly close to mine. Worryingly! Have you been peeking over my shoulder and copying my boy homework?

I do like boys taller (quite tall myself) and I'm not too bothered about smoking.

A dealbreaker is also that he gets it. And by it, I meant that he's not an affected try hard. You know, not part of the wrong kinda crowd (think shirts and shoes, backpacking, city type, aspiring skint actor/artist). Just a bit normal!

Good luck, missy. He's out there!

Jess said...

I dont think you're fussy at all. You know how much your worth and you shouldnt settle for second best! He'll be out there :) xxx

Anonymous said...

Turn lez, much easier

TheBCH said...

see now i'm assuming if i wasn't invisible ( like I have apparently been for 4 years) that if I was dating my list would be quite like yours.

I mean I'm stuck in my head wanting someone I would've wanted 5 years back when i wasn't old , fat and a mother, which means that guy just won't really fit into my life now.

plus men are getting skinnier and staying more smallboylike in figures these days and that's just crap, i do not want to feel like the bloke in the relationship.

I guess if you could find me a 27-29 year old, Ronnie Radke lookalike (except not as skinny), so dark hair, not really bothered about eye color, who even with the hardcore style actually is a soppy sod who wants to find his lobster...

no beards, good hygiene a must, no drugs, no smoking and doesn't mind that I'm all wobbly, stretched out and can't dance anymore because my knees don't bend....

Who understands those photos of me that were in bizarre magazine 6 years ago is not who I am anymore and the best night he'll have with me is a night in front of the telly, then I've won the lotto...

But I won't be holding my breath. 4 years single proves I'm just so far out of the loop of life I think I'm too far out to get back in again and remotely count to be on the 'single, looking and such a catch wagon' again.

it's a good job I had all that sex when I was 21 then!

Magatha-May said...

some of my deal breakers are as follows;

- has to drink coffee
- not a teetotaler
- has to have a car
- doesn't live at home
- no hairy shoulders
- wide music tastes
- not very political

Jasmin said...

i love this post! it really made me smile, i'm also ridiculously fussy! and have decided i must be destined to be single and surrounded by doilies and cats for the rest of my days! haha. x

Smidge said...

Hahaha! £9 M&S jeans...

P said...

Ha, I did a similar post last week, weirdly enough. I'm nowhere near as fussy as you, from the sounds of it. I think I named deliberate flatulence and game-players as my main deal-breakers.

Basically I just want a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously (but who doesn't think farting is funny, obviously!) - physically I don't seem to have a type. My current boyfriend is someone I have known for over four years and would never have saw myself with when I first met him, so you never can tell!

amongthechimneypots said...

Smokers. Big lips (for the wet face reason you gave). Anyone who tells me about jokes they have told in the past. Or how clever they are. Anyone whose main financial outgoing is Friday nights on the town.

My "type" is tall, skinny, ginger geeks - and I found one. :)

Cat said...

I used to have a HUGE list of things I wanted as opposed to things I didn't, and basically rejected my current boyfriend because despite being perfect in so many ways, he didn't fit my idea of the person I should be with. It took a long time, but I eventually realised that the things he was were more important than the things he wasn't, and the things I thought mattered actually didn't.

I hope I've found (whisper it so as not to jinx things) my One, but actually, I had to chuck that list away. Nothing wrong with being fussy, mind!

Meg! said...

For the record, that list seems pretty legit. I like the Jewish-looking men as well, although my big-nosed dark-haired boy happens to be Greek. Close enough?

Tobeapoet said...

My type changes all the time. I'm dating someone who is physically the opposite of my last ex, tall, cuddly, broad, hairy. I wouldn't have gone for anything like that two years ago! So everyone is fussy and their wants changed ALL the time anyway :D

Rapunzel said...

My friends say I'm too fussy yet when I was drunk one night I asked my concierges to find me a man and just stipulated that he must be able to drive and swim. That's not much to ask for is it?!

Rapunzel x
*Tales from the Tower*

RNL said...

1)hygiene that include brush his teeth twice :P
2)non smoker perhaps
3)tolerate enough with my work
4)agreed with Magatha-May wide tastes in music
4)punctual cuz most of them are always late giving nonsense excuses ..duh!!
5)too rush 4 tie a knot??!! lol
6)bit sense of humor..i hate it comes in silent dragging me felt bored!!
7)da most important his juz madly in2 me!!! :) WAiting.....

Alison said...

ohhhhhhh my god I get freaked out by huge Adam's Apples too!

Pearl said...

Not gay. That's top of my list, after a run of er, unfortunate, luck in that area.

Mainly, I want someone who's gentle, without being a wet fart. I used to think that being able to punctuate properly, being a non-smoker and being Christian were all dealbreakers, but then I met Patrick, who stomped all over all of that. And then stomped off to Belgium. Hurumph.

Following my last couple of dates, I've decided that the most important thing is that he doesn't cause me angst. I've had enough angst. I want some fun.