The Meat Retreat

Let me crawl inside your flesh

5 foods I like that I really shouldn't:

• Pork Scratchings. I know, I know, they're disgusting. I don't care. Yum. I do get slightly freaked out by the ones with hair on though. I do have some standards.
• Primula - the shrimp flavoured one. Straight out of the tube. I am vile.
• Cheese balls. Those snacks that leave an orange stain on your fingers/face/bed sheets/life.
• Scotch eggs. For some reason most people seem to despise them. I, on the other hand, would like to crawl inside a giant scotch egg and eat it from the inside out.
• Peperami. The website's called 'The Meat Retreat'. That alone is enough to make me adore them. Especially the spicy one. I like a hot piece of meat.

I'm a terrible person.

Fatima Fatbread

The last 10 days in pictorial form

This week I'm doing an alternative 'feedback' post....


Bottles of wine in the last ten days: About 50
Sausages eaten: Multiple
Number of gym visits: 2 (rubbish but at least I went)
Amount of fattening food eaten: Several tons
Number of times weighed self: 1
Debaucherous nights out had: 2


So I fell off the wagon. Shoot me. I'm obviously annoyed with myself as, when I weighed myself last Monday, I'd lost another 2 pounds and was perilously close to breaking the magical '1 stone lost' barrier. But, for the first time in my life, I'm not going to beat myself up about it and, instead, I'm right back on the detox wagon. Normally I'd give up right about now. I'd figure that I've undone all the good work I did so I might as well eat cheeseburgers with aplomb. But not this time. I haven't undone all the work I did. I've had a minor setback, that's all.

Besides, I enjoyed every mouthful.

The last 10 days has been, quite frankly, bloody marvellous. So, I have no eating/boozing/any other type of regrets. Instead, simply a resolution to carry on with the lifestyle changes I'd started to make. Because they really do work and I'm starting to see some real results. Both in terms of how I look and in terms of confidence.

Onwards and upwards...

What a feeling...

There's nothing to say to that really, is there?



I heart Robert Webb and his inner transexual.

xoxo

The weigh in has been postponed...


This week I have been a bit naughty. Not THAT naughty. But a bit naughty. So I'm going to postpone the moment of horrific truth for a couple of days. That should give me a chance to work it off in the gym or develop an eating disorder, whichever is easier. That'll be the eating disorder then.


I haven't done a post of things that I'm thankful for in ages. So here we go....

• Days off work spent in bed drinking wine, watching comedy that I know the words off by heart to, laughing, eating cheese and biscuits and being so comfortable my body practically became one with the sheets. Ah, marvellous.
• The fact it's payday next week. Always a joy, never a chore. This month however I intend to actually budget (yawn). A necessary evil when you're as skint as me.
• The song above. Love Pnau. Love the crazy cartoon strawberry. Reminds me of a messy night out last year. Muchos fun.
• Getting excited about Glastonbury Festival even though it is months and months away. I love religiously checking the line-up rumours. I do it every year and get myself so worked up I need to have a lie down. Lily Allen! Bon Iver! Bruce Springsteen! Fatboy Slim! Pies! Nachos! Cider! Country! And relax....
• Marks and Spencer's chocolate belgian biscuits. Oh mama, those things are beautiful. One of my work colleagues keeps bringing them in. I curse her and love her in equal measure. Although, to be fair, I only ever have a couple on Friday. Willpower = me.
• The birthday song that Gary Barlow did for Chris Moyles. Actually brought a wee tear to my eye this morning. I was tired though. And hungry. I can't be held responsible for my emotions when I'm hungry.

This evening I'm off to my friend's house to indulge in shepherd's pie, red wine and a lot of Gossip Girl.

Oh Chuck Bass, thou shalt be mine...

Pie in the sky...

pie
n.
1. A baked food composed of a pastry shell filled with fruit, meat, cheese, or other ingredients, and usually covered with a pastry crust.
2. A layer cake having cream, custard, or jelly filling.
3. A whole that can be shared.

I bloody love pie.


Really love it. It's probably one of the reasons I'm on a healthy eating kick. There are just so many wonderful pies in the world, it's a travesty not to consume them.

Here, for your pleasure, are my top 5 pies (in no particular order, I don't play favourites with my pies)...


1) Pork Pie

Oh mama, I love those bad boys. Big ones, small ones, ones with cheese in, ones with egg in (gala pie = triumph). It's just occurred to me that pork pies are a British thing so, if you need a definition, feast your peepers here.


2) Hot Pies

Ah, hot pies. In all their glorious forms. Chicken, lamb, beef, steak and ale. Meat encased in pastry. Served with mushy peas and mashed potato. Life does not get better than that, my friends. I'm truly convinced that the best pies ever are from Pie Minister. If you're ever at a festival and you see the Pie Minister stall, buy one. Buy twelve. They are incredible. Me and C quite literally lived on them at Bloom last year. I'm a big fan of the minty lamb and the chicken of aragon varieties.


3) Potato topped pies

This category includes your fish pie, your shepherds, your cottage. All manner of potato topped loveliness. I find it hard to beat a fish and king prawn pie myself but I recently discovered an Oakham Chicken and Bacon Pie in Marks and Spencer which was fairly gorgeous. Basically potato nestling on top of a hot filling can never be a bad thing. Unless said hot filling contains mushrooms. Then I'm throwing it in the bin.


4) Fruit Pie

I mean, seriously, who isn't salivating at the mere sight of those cherries bulging out of their pastry prison? Nuff said. Give me some custard to splatter on it and I'm literally in heaven.


5) Lemon Meringue Pie

Lemon Meringue gets a category all of it's own. Is it a pie? Is it a cake? Who cares. It's zingy, crunchy, chewy and an utter delight.


6) Mince Pie (Yes, I said Top 5 pies. I lied. Mince pie has to be included)

If I had to choose a favourite sweet pie then this would be it. Mince pies become my life once December begins. Well, maybe not my life. I'm not quite that tragic. I do heart them though. Especially icing topped ones. With courvoisier cream. Oh sweet lord.


So there you go. I've just rambled on about pies for 20 minutes. I blame the fact I can smell my tea cooking. And the fact I'm just a fatty who likes pies.



What's your favourite pie?