Friday, 3 June 2011

Boyz there, how many?




The Accountant... showed me that all the diamonds in the world can't make me love someone.

The Drummer... was my first love. Beer filled nights, peach satin sheets and piercings. He taught me that it is possible to love someone more than you love yourself. Even if that love is teenage, all-consuming and fleeting. And partially just because he's everything your parents don't like.

The IT Student... showed me true romance. 100 red roses, a 300 mile drive through the night just to make me smile, chips on the beach. But also the most heart wrenching break up in living memory.

The 18 Year Old... taught the 21 year old me about longevity and never giving up hope. Three years and more happy times than I can count. Death metal, lip piercing and the sweetest nature. I could not say a bad word about him.

The Teacher... taught me that, sometimes, love is destructive. It hurts. Love can turn to hate so quickly and, sometimes, things can get more messed up than you ever imagined. 18 months that took exactly 18 months to get over. I no longer look back, in anger or otherwise.

And then there was The Little One... a connection when I least expected it. The kind that blindsides you on a grey Sunday afternoon in January. Feelings of hope and excitement, and even trust, that you thought were lost forever. The sheer ohmygodIcannotstopkissingyou that makes you feel like a teenager again. Laughter, late nights and chemistry. No regrets. Ever.


And now? There is me. Just me.

And that's all I need.


14 comments:

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Ah, so nice to read. When I first started reading your blog, you were getting over...hmmm..The Teacher maybe? Every post mentioned him for a while. Now it's all about you. Which is brilliant. It's good to know that you can look back and learn from whatever you went through. Fingers crossed my latest break goes the same way. x

Laura said...

god. this is SO brilliant.

Rachel said...

This is so lovely to read. I think it's great that you can look back and on the good and bad times without resentment - it's a healthy attitude to have x

Alex said...

This is such an inspiring, healthy sort of piece. I wish I could parcel up the Tattoed Boy in such a neat box and look back on him fondly but it's still hard, mostly because it ended so messily.

StephanieDJL said...

This is gorgeous & lovely to read.

Charlene said...

oh helen, this post has turned me into an emotional wreck, but you know what? that last line is so true. i love thinking back to all my memories of boys - be it happiness or heartbreak - but sometimes i think we get too caught up in relationships and emotions that we forget to love ourselves. xx

Mel said...

Such beautiful words :) x

Helen said...

Jo - Yes, the teacher was the reason I started this blog really. The massive twat. You will look back and see what you learnt. I promise you xx

Ess-Jay24 said...

Lovely read :)
xx

P said...

Great post, Helen!

Lil said...

This is such a gorgeous post. And has made me think a lot about the boys in my life too. X

Alison said...

Excellent post lady!

Emma Louise said...

Oh I love this post. Its so sweet and Im pretty sure most girls can relate to it!

Kat said...

This was really beautiful to read.