Friday, 26 February 2010

Only in dreams




My insomnia has reared its ugly head.


I'd been sleeping like a baby for months. My past sleep problems had vanished into thin air and, although I wasn't quite getting the requisite eight hours (more like six), I was always fairly well rested.

Until last week.

For the last eight days I've been really struggling to get to sleep. When I do eventually manage it I've been having incredibly vivid dreams. Dreams so intense that they wake me up and cause my head to spin. The subject of the dreams? C. Always. Inevitably.

Sometimes the dreams are of normal every day situations. Sunday mornings spent entwined in the duvet, papers spread out between us, the smell of fresh coffee in the air. An arm around me. A stroke of the hand. A smile. Sunlight streaming into the room. Sometimes the dreams involve frightening situations or situations so bizarre as to leave me confused when I wake, wondering what is reality and what is dream.

I'm not sure where these dreams have come from. I'm not aware that I've been thinking and lamenting and wondering a particularly huge amount. Is it my subconscious telling me that something is missing? Telling me that I'm not as happy and content as I think I am? Or am I reading too much into it?

I don't know. I'd like it to stop though. It only makes things harder.


7 comments:

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I've had some bad bouts with insomnia, myself, it's the worst. Mine just always seems to go away on it's own, though, but only when it's darn good and ready!

Hope yours leaves SOON!

The Tote Trove said...

That sucks. You know, the word dream (as in, what's your dream? your ideal situation?) is kind of a misnomer anyway. How often do we dream about something good? As you say, the whole reason behind dreaming is usually to resolve a problem that's too hideous to confront while we're awake. I hope you find some peace soon.

Jennifer said...

Oh sweetheart :(
Can't imagine other people, including myself moaning/stressing about relationship dramas will help much.
I only hope it goes away soon and that you start to sleep properly again, clear the ol' head :) <3
x

That picture is SO cute of you by the way! :D

smidge said...

I hate insomnia, i seem to be having the opposite problem right now as im sleeping too much.

As for your dreams, I think that as you are happy its your brains way of still dealing with something you have pushed aside - a remember me type wake up call.

I dont think that it is telling you that you havent dealt with it - if you know what i mean. Quite the reverse!

Jennifer said...

Ahhhhh Smidge makes lots of sense there actually!
x

Helen said...

AFNM - Thankyou. I'm dead on my feet at work today and have a duty at the charity later so hope that'll make me so exhausted I'll be able to sleep.

TTT - Thankyou. I do feel like I've resolved things in my own head but maybe I've just been burying them.

J - It really doesn't bother me when other people talk about relationship stress. I know I'm well off out of it and I am really happy. The dreams just set me back a bit and sometimes I wake up and forget what happened. :(

Smidge - You are wise, lady! xxx

theperpetualspiral said...

Sometimes I really struggle to sleep, and then once I worry about it, it just makes it even worse.

When I'm really bad, usually it is because I can't switch off. Strangely enough, I have to over tire myself in order to get a decent nights sleep.

I agree with Miss Smidge, it is a sign to say you haven't quite finished working stuff out in your head yet.