Monday, 22 February 2010

An hour in the life of...

Saturday morning:

7.00am - Alarm goes off. Mild panic ensues as I think I'm late for work. As the panic subsides horror takes over as I realise I've got a duty at the charity. Still hit the snooze button anyway.

7.09am - Snoozed alarm goes off. Deny all knowledge of volunteering commitments. Hit snooze.

7.18am - Second snooze is over. Swear a bit. Kick legs in air in manner of small child. Have tantrum.

7.19am - Tantrum over. Put contact lenses in, attempt to drag brush through hair that has become a rats' nest over night (what DO I do in my sleep?).

7.21am - Bathroom-tastic. Spend too long brushing teeth as become mesmerised by sight of own, terrifying reflection.

7.35am - Attempt to find clothes that don't make me look like a bag lady and/or mad.

7.36am - Give up the search and fling on nearest clothes. Look in mirror. Curse fact I look like a bag lady. And mad.

7.40am - Stumble downstairs, set off house alarm, wake entire street up. Nice work, Helen.

7.45am - Shove food in mouth and try to chew. Do not like bananas at the best of times, let alone pre-8am on a Saturday morning.

7.46am - Resent life and all it contains.

7.50am - Finish chewing banana, try to hold back retching.

7.51am - Leave house. Realise car is iced over. Swear. At car. At myself. At weather. At pigeons.

7.52am - Find de-icer. De-ice car.

7.55am - Get in car. Turn heating on.

8.00am - Drive away from house in a whirlwind of dread, resentment and banana hating. Realise morning is quite pretty. Stop moaning.


P said...

I laughed out loud at this as it reminds me very much of my mornings. With the difference that I hit the snooze button approximately twenty times, usually stab myself in the eye trying to put my contacts in, and then can't find my bra. I feel your pain...

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

That was so awesome! You really are a fantastic, humorous writer! I'm really enjoying your work!

Really, what DO we do in our sleep that makes our hair look like that in the morning?!!

Helen said...

P - I stab myself in the eye most days when trying to put my contacts in. Been wearing them for 14 years but still can't do it properly!

AFNM - Aww thankyou! That's lovely of you to say.

Elle said...

Ah, you also get visited by the hair fairies in the night!! I'm glad they enjoy making my hair look like I've been plugged into an electric socket; I certainly don't!

Awesome post! {^_^}

Helen said...

Elle - I literally don't know what happens to me! I can go to bed with the straightest hair in the world and I'll still wake up looking like medusa :(